I had to cancel my third appointment with the PTSD specialist, I swear due to circumstances beyond my control, such as school and daycare closings, and the sitter backing out at the last minute.

But the relief I felt upon cancelling was so profound, that I swear I now feel a guilt, anyway. 

I am avoiding the remembering and thus the chronicling. It is a simple concept, and I own the memories. It is not as if I have to drive to the library and track them down and check them out. They are not even horrific. No one died. I understand all the rationale, I accept the necessity of it. Usually I have done any work advised by doctors immediately, upon prescription. 

Apparently I am frozen in place. 


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