My father has passed away quite suddenly. I no longer have to be concerned about his dementia or about my stepmother handling him alone.
Somehow that does not make it much easier.
The children and I will miss him terribly. He taught them how to fish.
It has now been over a year since my stepmother has explained to me how my father has changed and how difficult he is to live with. He seems to be worsening on the forgetfulness front but about the same with the aggression and anger.
My stepmother has only told one other person in the family.
Keeping this a secret and watching my father go untreated and undiagnosed is starting to really wear on me. I am getting resentful.
I don´t know if it is due to past experiences or if it is my PTSD, but not being able to freely discuss things frustrates me beyond belief.
I have had enough of hiding things. I have all sorts of worries for the both of them.
My mother called me to announce she had a personal care attendant who comes for eight hours a week.
I had suggested that to her after her accident, but she was not interested. I knew from how she was during her visit here that she needed help maintaining sanitary conditions. She would start cooking and then leave things on the counter to go bad, too tired to complete the preparations. I was after her for months to get paperwork in, or have someone do the paperwork, or call for a social worker, a case worker, someone. She acted like she didn´t need one. In fact, when I gave up I did tell her, ¨Well, I guess you just don´t need one.¨ and she agreed.
I guess it had to be her idea.
Now someone else knows how she lives. I don´t have to worry anymore, and it is none of my business anymore- as my mother made clear it never was.