My Mother’s Almost Diagnosed Dementia

My mother called today to tell me what happened with her visit to the doctor yesterday, two months after I begged her and tried to bully her into going. He has ordered a brain scan. Score one for me. He thinks she is doing well with her care. Score one for mom and I lost a point on that assessment, as the doctor and I differ there. He also has sent her to a geriatrics daycare three days a week, and those folks will be doing further assessment on her, through observation and oversight. Score big for doc. That last referral makes me much happier.

She also told that me she is filling out her medical POA right now, to be held by her ex-wife. I will be happy to see it. I wish she had picked her Episcopalian priest to manage her care, but someone local is better than no one.

So I hope I am done bullying my mother into compliance. It took me a few years, and I had to become quite aggressive about it. I think it worked. I don’t want to be angry with her anymore over anything.

She still will not move up here, but she has always chosen to be separate from her family, so this is nothing new. I suppose I ought to let go and let her decline from a distance. It kills me not to be there to argue with doctors and insist she live in a clean house, but it is also not what she wants from me. I suppose I shouldn’t worry any longer. I do feel a bit of relief. I would feel a bit more relieved if she would wrap up all her loose ends, but the medical part is the most important.


2 thoughts on “My Mother’s Almost Diagnosed Dementia

  1. Good for you for encouraging her to get her medical POA done. I would also urge her to get the rest of her affairs in order as well, discuss any issues related to last wishes, burial vs. cremation, other last wishes, etc.

    Sometimes health can take a sudden major turn and there just isn’t time. My own mother is dying- given 3 weeks or maybe only a few days to live. I was back home a month ago and knew her health wasn’t good but we expected there was still more time. Instead her health has just deteriorated and she has no energy to attend to all the details that she was planning to have in place. She did do her POA and discussed her wishes , DNR etc. which I am grateful for, but her will is outdated, finances in disarray and so many more details that we will have to figure out.

    Your mother might not be ready to think about her death but doing so will be a big favor to you and other family members.

    • I want her to, but it took me over two years to get her to do this much, and I think it is only being done because I was mean to her about it. In person. She is already in poor health. She can only manage to be awake and interactive for about two hours as it is.
      I am terribly sorry for your mother’s sudden turn. My thoughts are with you and yours.

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