I really love my job. I love the people I work for. They are nice people who invest in their community and live charitable lives. Very worthy folks.
Yesterday my boss was taking care of my duties for me when I was off, and she found I had given a discount to a customer when I should not have. It lessened the variety of our inventory and it lost the company money.
I was so interested in getting reliable long term customers (for rentals) that I was a bit too eager to seal the deal. I sealed it, and robbed my boss of twenty five dollars a month for possibly years to come.
I hate making mistakes.
I feel like I am fighting against memory issues when I am at work, I forget things, even procedures. I always feel inadequate and I am always scrambling for ways to fix it, with shortcuts and memory tricks.
I am so very ashamed to have made this mistake on top of the rest of it. I am having trouble forgiving myself.
I want to propose a way to take a pay cut or work extra, unpaid, to make up for it. But I am terrified of making it worse by bringing it up or getting caught paying it back without permission. I am also afraid I would blubber through the proposal. The owner has been so kind to me, I don’t want to advertise the fact that I am mismanaging his property. Though I am sure he must know. I am still trying not to cry about it. I feel about two years old. I am forcing myself to eat, even.
I worked and I came home and I cooked for my mother, my children, for three hours.
I just wanted to lay down and cry. But it won’t help me.