The Doctor

I quit listening to all radio save classical when I quit the coffee. Can you tell I am trying to create ambience?
I realized this week that nearly all my life is ¨make-do¨. Rarely do I get something that I think fits me specifically. I buy pants too long at the thrift store and cut off the bottoms so that they fit. I get my furniture at the same store with patches of bare wood showing through the paint. I have broken stuff in my kitchen and I do not pester the management about it. I get rid of my bed frame and then never buy another, because I know if I wait long enough, one will find me. Seriously, everything in my life is stuff that I happened upon and took the opportunity to obtain, only my television is a purposeful purchase, and I bought that for price, not for how it fit my lifestyle or furniture.
So, I am trying now to, instead of working with what I have, buying what works for me specifically. For instance, I am not out of lotion, but I purchased lavender lotion this week because lavender is proven to be calming. The kids need that. I need that. We need calm. We need a purposeful life. I need to craft life, not treat it like catching a wave.
I need to feel that I deserve better. That I deserve the effort and expense. I bought myself a pair of glasses, but not a backup pair. Why did I do that? I ought to put in the time to get the back up pair, and to make them different from my new pair, why don’t I? Zenni Optical makes it affordable, I haven’t got an excuse about cost.
I was so sick this week, it made each day a struggle. I should have asked a friend for help. I should have got a sitter, I should have taken the day off of work, I should, basically, take care of myself. Never mind a creative life. I should create my own life, not a make-do of other people’s castoffs that don’t quite fit me.

So then I went to the doctor yesterday. I had a fever that day, too, and did not even realize. He saw me a few months after I got into town originally. He is very pleased with my progress. I am glad he told me more than once. Sometimes a pat on the back makes all the difference in the world.


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