I was never able to dodge a blow. Usually I did not see them coming.

I fell in love, nearly a year ago. Online, of course, like a modern person. He was lovely. We arranged times for calls, and he was always there. He was supportive. He was complimentary. Flattering, even. Loving, as much as you can be from far away.

His life has changed a lot in the past year. It makes sense, that he would change, and behave/speak more responsibly, more guarded. Less emotionally involved.

It feels like hell, and I can hardly bear it.

We talked about it.

I still feel as if someone has pulled a rug out from under me.

You never know how much you rely on someone until they are no longer there for you.

He was so precious to me, so I never really wrote about him. I was afraid to jinx it, too happy to share. I just held him close, and kept him In Real Life.

He arrives next month, he says. 

I don’t think I can do this again.


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