Depression : Where Mine Ends Up or How Jane Does Crazy or Make Depression Work For You

I never talk about when I get depressed. It is usually in the evenings, after a child has thrown a colossal fit, or after I have lost my cool during a colossal fit.
I usually dive into my problems and work like a madwoman until I feel they are ¨fixed¨ or at least in remission. I am sort of possessed. I have had employers refer to me as a ¨pit bull¨ and that was not even the veterinarian I used to work for in the Deep South.
My depressions usually last less than an hour, because my mind kicks into solution mode and starts offering fixes, and I start looking for more books to read, more games to play, more things to do on Amazon or internet resources for parents of special needs kids.
I know workaholics usually don’t get the same amount of flak as other addicts do, but always working to fix something might be getting in the way of me accepting something.
Maybe if I accepted more, and fixed less, I would be more relaxed. Maybe if I were more relaxed, I would be more receptive to when those tantrums are beginning, so I could defuse them. Maybe if I were more relaxed, I would be less likely to lose my cool. Maybe if I stopped trying to force myself to relax, I would relax.
Maybe if I had a full night’s sleep. Ever. I would be less depressed, more relaxed.
See, all those ¨ifs¨. I do that, that’s the start of the fixing. Planning out ways to reach that ¨if¨.
Going to bed is one.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Depression : Where Mine Ends Up or How Jane Does Crazy or Make Depression Work For You

  1. Yep. Been there. Done that. I thought my youngest son would never stop throwing tantrums. After I finally got away from his dad he was diagnosed with everything from some kind of public tantrum disorder and autism spectrum disorder to selective mutism. To say I was a little disheveled…. Anyway ten years later he graduated from college. All four of the kids are doing pretty good. You’ll be okay. It does get better.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s