One of the lasting effects of gaslighting in my life is my mistakes with language. My abuser would teach me words that were wrong, that meant something slightly or entirely different than what he told me they meant. I am still finding out what I am misusing, and often it is embarrassing. I found out by watching a movie, even, and puzzling out by replay that what was said rapidfire onscreen was not what I thought was meant. For years he insisted that what he was screaming at his mother was “not your business”, and what he was really telling her was that she was crazy, sick. He gaslighted me, in gaslighting her.
(I hope she is alright. I am not there to hold him off of her, anymore. I worry.)
So these words and phrases are a part of my internal dialogue, and they might not mean what I think. That is so messed up, I cannot even wrap my head around it.


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