Can I Come Up With A Decent Post Title After A Doctor´s Appointment?


But I can tell you that I have a lot of triggers. Contrary to my previous belief about flashbacks and triggers, you can discern a trigger and the subsequent flashback by how inappropriate your thought or reaction is to that thing.

So when I am in the grocery store and I see dads shopping with their children, and I look around to try to spot the mother, you know, to make sure there is a responsible adult with those children, then that is not an appropriate reaction. Every man in the store accompanied by children sans adult woman is a trigger for me.  I am concerned every time I see this, and it is common in this area, this culture.

I thought triggers were things that make you freak out and vomit. I thought, since I keep my cool, I haven´t got more than the obvious triggers of violent movie scenes, where I feel upset, or sometimes lightheaded. I was wrong. I do this sort of thing in my head every few minutes. 

I have honor burnt into me. It makes being out of the house a trigger. Driving. Looking up. Everything. Everything. I have no chaperone, no permission. I want to fix this. I want to be American, and free. My past and my mind cages me.

This doctor is the best I have ever had. He gives real solutions. I have homework.


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